Let me try this again…

In my mind, anything I write is always so repetitive. It’s about the same topic over and over again, isn’t it? Except when I read it back months later, it doesn’t feel like the same. I’m actually somewhat impressed by the stuff I wrote from the heart.

Is that cocky to say? Oh well…

My point is, when it comes from the heart, it does feel like a piece of my soul is “on paper”. A piece of my soul, frozen in time.

In the past, it made me very uncomfortable to write about it and know that people I knew could read it (if you know me… please unfollow and pretend you saw nothing). I also tried to write about things I wasn’t truly passionate about.

All of that, along with me having completely lost myself and my identity, means I’ve barely written in the last 3 years.

So… let me try this again. Let me write my soul down and, if nothing else, let’s hope it lets me find myself again. If not that, let’s hope someone likeminded out there finds inspiration from whatever this will be.

Photo by Cedé Joey: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-tree-in-a-field-with-grass-and-trees-16850497/

Before I Begin, Eventually…

Imagine this: you finally sit down to do what you’ve been avoiding for months, yet your body reacts like it’s under attack. Muscles contract. Skin burns. Your heart races, convinced something terrible is about to happen. Your brain is filled with noise and fog.

Why would anyone willingly torture themselves like this? I won’t do it right now. Maybe it just isn’t the right time and I’ll feel better tomorrow, ready to get it all done finally.

Days pass. Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten. It waits for me in the background, constantly reminding me that it hasn’t gone anywhere. Any external reminder that I need to do it just pisses me off.

“Leave me alone already, I’ll get to it soon, don’t you know?”

That final deadline arrives and I have no other choice. I have to push through the pain and get it done. So I do.

“Well… that wasn’t too bad.” Twenty minutes, it’s done. No more muscle aches, no more noise. I’m lighter, sitting in the quiet of my own mind.

I was silly, why didn’t I just do it before? I could have avoided all that anxiety if I had just pushed through the pain, if I had just ignored my heart racing. It could have been a 20-minute torture, instead of a 2-week one. I’ll do better next time. I’ll be smarter. Braver.

I have 3 other tasks to get done, I should get to it!

Not today, though. I’m too stressed for another fight. Tomorrow will be better.

A Small World of Obscurity

I grew up feeling tall. I felt big compared to most things around me and had never even considered that you can feel small in the world. I mean, why would you dimmish yourself, make yourself feel small on purpose? It didn’t feel like an option.

My feelings were big, my dreams were big, and my love for those around me was big. I had a big family, a big circle or friends, a big variety of hobbies keeping me interested in all the big things life has to offer along the way.

Life was strangely easy to navigate. Not every small thing was easy, of course, but life in general felt easy, like there was a purpose to what I was doing, and where I was heading.

Something changed, and the big light surrounding me suddenly shut down, it was dark. I could see the light and the dreams of those around me, but my light had gone out. It didn’t feel temporary, but I was hoping it was, just a temporary loss of light.

I kept progressing through this life (now didn’t feel so easy), remembering what I was doing and what I wanted to achieve before this light went out. I didn’t have the same dreams or goals, surely not the same motivation, but I remembered how I felt before and I kept going towards the same goals, with the same drive, hoping the light would turn itself back on at some point.

The world started to feel a little bigger, and I a little smaller. The light did come back, but it was so dim that I kept stumbling along the way, trying to find the path again. Everything felt bigger than what I remembered, but I couldn’t see it. Was it just that it felt bigger? Or was the world suddenly bigger? Had I shrunk?

I feel small. My dreams feel like a shadow of their former selves, still big. Everything around feels big, but everything in my life feels small. When had the world become so daunting? So huge and overwhelming?

Life is strangely hard to navigate. Every small thing is hard and the purpose can be hard to find. It’s a strange world to live in, yet we choose to continue navigating with this dim light, hoping we’ll find the path to the bright big (but not daunting) world we used to know.

Blogs and How to Use Them for Business

Blogs can be seen (by some) as an outdated platform because, many times, we still think of a blog as a platform we can get a quick recipe from, or we can learn about someone’s day-to-day life. But blogs have been an amazing source of information for many of us reader for decades and can still help businesses get their message across.

Do you own a candle business and are unsure how to motivate others to buy your product? Shareable blogs with creative candle-making ideas can really drive your business forward (specially if you have a discount code along with it). Do you sell supplements and are passionate about its benefits? Now’s the time to share your incredible knowledge and educate others on why they should purchase your products as well.

In a world where everything is fast paced and down to a quick video or Tweet, blogs still offer an escape to those needing to feel inspired or wanting to get new ideas to improve their life – and that’s where you come in.

A blog can make a difference if used right! What’s your favourite type of blog to follow?

losing your motivation and your passion

Not feeling motivated for a little bit was normal throughout my life, specially in moments I was busier and did not have the power to focus on my favourite hobbies. But then I’d go back to have a lot of hobbies I was interested in.

In the last years, I feel like that lack of motivation has become a permanent thing in my life, and I’m not sure how to get it back or if I’ll be able to get it back.

I miss who I once was and how much more passionate I was about life. Any tips on how to get it back, let me know.

Forever Sunshine in My Life

Sunshine in my life. It really changes your perspective of the world when it is filled with sunshine every day, when everything feels warm, welcoming, happy.

For once it feels like I know what to do, where to go, and where life will lead me. Like there’s more to the world than just living – there’s a purpose on why I’m doing what I’m doing, there’s something bigger than me guiding me and showing the way by lighting up the little parts in my path that seemed dark before.

It’s not that I didn’t know my path before, but so many parts were darkened that I couldn’t fully appreciate the journey – but once you can see what the destination is, you can appreciate the details along the way.

I feel hopeful, and I feel at peace with my options, I have felt the sunshine and it’s here to stay.

A Description of What Anxiety Feels Like

It’s hard to put into words what anxiety really feels like, but lately I’ve been thinking more and more that anxiety has a clear distinctive feeling.

It’s like every part of my body is telling me that a situation is dangerous, or that it will have horrible consequences. Logically I know that it’s not the case. I know it’ll be fine (well, probably). But I can’t stop my body from reacting this way.

That’s why sometimes we cannot handle meeting up with more people, or going on more fun adventures. We’ve been fighting our own body all day and pushing through the instinct to just hide safely under the covers, and fighting to keep going over and over. When the day is over, we feel so exhausted that just the thought of going out and doing the same thing all over again seems unbearable.

What does anxiety feel like to you?

Can’t Control My Feelings

At this point my feelings are a little out of control and I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t control my feelings and it’s hurting my daily life.

A couple of weeks ago I had the best weekend ever. Not to go into too many details but it was just everything I wanted out of a weekend, it was lovely, and relaxing, and happy, and comforting. I felt safe. But the moment the weekend was over I felt lost – why was it such a fleeting feeling and would I get it again or is it lost forever?

I’ve been sad since and I don’t know how to get back to feeling happy again. I’m trying but I just feel lost and like I can’t think straight. I feel alone and I can’t feel happy, even for a minute. Not at work, not with my friends, not at any point in time really.

I’m been anxious my whole life and I’ve felt depression (seasonal) before, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this depressed before and it’s a horrible feeling that I feel like I can’t control. What was the trigger? What made me so sad? I think I know the answer but it feels like such a dumb answer that I don’t dare try to explain it to anyone around me.

Oh well, on we go with life.

You Haven’t Met Me

You haven’t met me, and I haven’t met you. Not in the way that matters at least. Not in the ‘I know you and I know your soul, I know you better than you know yourself’ kind of way.

Come to think of it, I haven’t met many people. And the ones that I have met and that met me ran away. Or I didn’t feel comfortable introducing myself and had to find a safe distance. It’s tough to meet people.

I haven’t met you but I really want to. And I feel afraid to meet you or for you to meet me, because if one of us doesn’t actually like what we see in the end, I’m not sure I can handle another one walking out and saying goodbye. I’m tired of goodbyes.

So… for now I haven’t met you. I’ll keep wondering what it’ll be like to meet you, because at this very moment the excitement of what could be sounds warmer than the harsh reality that it could become.

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If you liked this blog post, could you help me share it please? It was a tough one to write but I always appreciate everyone’s comments so much ❤

Creating Your Own Path

Sometimes it can be so frustrating to feel like you’re stuck in someone else’s path, that you’re doing everything for everyone but yourself. Like you are stuck on this same path that other people want you to take, and there’s no way to get out of it – unless you make your own path.

It isn’t easy, specially when people rely too much on your kindness to keep them company as they travel through their world. The problem is that, when the road gets strenuous they’ll use you to get across and leave you behind.

That’s why it feels easier to go through our own path, to create it and follow your dreams with no one to stop you. With no one to put themselves first no matter what.

It’s hard to find the motivation to do things for yourself all the time, but if you’re able to keep going, there’s no telling what you could do with your life.

What’s something you like to do for yourself?